Ten Good Things About Trimet That You Never Knew.

 

Do you think that driving a bus is all about getting behind the wheel and driving? Well, yes! Yes it is, but there is more to it than just that. You see, we in the bus-driving profession provide many, many services to the public—services which they have no idea we are providing at no charge. 

My trainer Old Pete said “They only pay you $7.00 an hour to drive. The rest of the money you earn is for everything else you do.” Thank you, old Pete. Your words live on in me. 

So I thought I would make a list of all the free services we provide as bus drivers for the next time some conservative talk show host who knows nothing about transit starts telling you that bus drivers are evil you can say a qualified

“Nuh-uh!”

1. Tree Trimming: you show me a bus route and I will show well-trimmed trees along the road. We give them that wonderful arch-like cut that allows delivery trucks access to your curb. We do all that free trimming and even extra trimming. When it snows or ices up we go to town. Sometimes we take out entire trees, but uh, only the ones that had it coming. 

2. Homeless Shelter: I have been cold and nearly homeless—cold enough to the point of saying my life was at risk. So I have a weak spot for anyone getting on my bus to get warm. I give out lots of day tickets to those who are in need in the winter. I can never turn my back on someone who is just trying to get warm. Cold sucks. Cold is deadly and I, I’m the mobile cure station.

3. Extra Eyes: The buses here in Portland are equipped with a two-way radio system. We report crimes, fires, accident and all sorts of issues for the city, like lights not working at intersections, broken guard rails and anything else that pops up. I know it seems strange to think about it, but we are safety officers looking out to keep you safe. Didn’t know that, did ya?

4. Exercise: That's right. We work out the city. Now, you may be a few extra pounds overweight and you may be planning on starting that jogging thing next week, but you will sprint like Ben Johnson for the bus when it starts rolling by. Better than that, you will increase your caloric burn by waving your arms (and if we don’t see you, your middle finger). People always act as if the bus they are trying to catch is the last bus on earth. They run as if we had the last ration of food and water in the middle of a desert. For some this is their highest caloric burn all day.... For the bus drivers, it’s never not funny. 

5. Social Lightning Rod: Hey, when the news is slow and there is nothing going on in the world you always have transit. We give the media, print and blogs something to complain about. No matter how good your transit system is, don’t expect to see that reflected in print, on TV or on radio. They just can’t resist knocking them. Every city I have ever been to has had the same syndrome. When things are good, complain about the transit system. When things are tough, complain about the transit system. When things get bad (like snows or 100+ temps) well… really, really, really complain about the transit system.

6. TomTom Guide: Or as I call it the DanDan guide. Why people think I have some magic information on where everything is and how to get there I will never know. Worse than that is that these people never ask for the DanDan guide service until DanDan is pulling into a crowded stop or trying to weave his way through rush hour traffic while dodging bikes, cars and pedestrians. Now I have no problem with people asking me for help. What jacks my piston is when I admit that I don’t know and they act like I’m the idiot, or I’m just screwing with them. They harrumph or ask the question again—like all of a sudden I will know where they are going, A magic transit ferry will come down and put the knowledge of your little neighborhood side streets in my dim bus driver mind. Okay, 40 year old children. Enough with your tantrums. If I don’t know I don’t know. I’m not the one lost though. This expectation of global bus driver knowledge is something that boggles my mind. 

7. Entertainers: For some people, a bus trip is a game of "Let’s get to know the driver.”  For some drivers this is a pain. I don't seem to mind because my mouth never seems to stop. In fact, when I’m not talking, I’m singing or talking to cars, bikes and pedestrians. For many it goes deeper. For them we are the only positive contact they have in a day. Talking with a driver is the highpoint of their day. I understand this, so I tend to oblige them for the first ten hours of driving. After that, my talk meter is done. What’s strange isn’t how many people talk to the drivers while they are driving, but how many people need to talk to the driver, need that feedback. They feel like you are disrespecting them if you are not the greeter at the Wal-Mart door. When I get tired I get focused on one thing: driving safely, not holding hands. Please do not seek life-affirming feedback from bus operators. You are a perfectly valid human being without our feedback. We could just be busy and focused—not always,  just sometimes. 

8. Medical Transport: I will throw down the gauntlet of challenge at the feet of any ambulance driver. Here is my challenge: I bet I move more sick and injured people to hospitals in a day than any ambulance. Oh, I’m sure the ambulance may have a lead in criticals but overall I move the masses of everyone else. I can’t tell you how many times I have taken bleeding and gasping people to the hospital. It’s crazy. 

9. Child Sitters: With this I'm just sort of kidding but I can tell you that every driver has to watch all those kids on board. From high school on down we are responsible for all those kids on the bus. You can' depend on parents to do the right thing. What I have seen parents do would turn your stomach. I'm the guardian of the kids on my bus. I'm the captain of my ship. Even when they get off my bus, I have launched myself out of my seat to stop a kid from stepping out into traffic. I would like to tell you that all parents on the bus are attentive and protective but to many a bus is a rolling Jungle-Gym and a moment for them to just relax and maybe catch a little snooze. “Oh wait did that driver say something about my kid getting off the bus?” 

10. Tour Guide: This is one of my favorite things. When I get someone on the bus who is new to town and they ask me about places. I really enjoy talking it up about the wonderful Portland Metro area. Again, to some drivers this sucks, but I love it. Portland has some great history and places and I love sharing them. Sometimes this backfires, like two French visitors who treated me and everyone else on the bus as if we were baboons. They were so rude I sent them someplace they could really enjoy: a bus to Canby, Oregon, miles and miles outside of our service. Bye-bye, Frogs. I said as the bus drove off. I laughed. It was all I could do to stop the people on the bus from attacking them, so maybe I did the right thing there. Next day I had two Italians on my bus, They were so warm and friendly and even though they didn’t speak hardly any English, I figured out where they were going, got them on the right bus, got them a free lunch and sent them on their way with a big smile. 

Ok, that’s all that occurs to me now. I’m sure there are more but right now I would like to focus on what we have learned here. 

Always be nice to your driver. Don’t get jacked out of shape if the driver is occupied with driving safely. Stay aware of your kids. Run for the bus. Finally, being nice pays off way, way better than being arrogant Frenchmen. 

Ok, life is good. Don’t you agree?

Isn’t it time you, too, Rolled Easy? 

No Drinks On Bus

Well it was a full drink when she came on board. 

14' To Safety

It’s been a bad year for Safety here at Trimet, it’s been a banner year for knife wielding Nut Jobs who stab bus drivers but a bad year for Safety.  

The latest chapter in this long running story of safety Neglect is the 19 Woodstock run.  

For years drivers have been complaining about the isolated Lay over. There have been problems before that should have been a warning but hey what can you do when you are busy doing press releases, how can you take time out for something petty and annoying like safety. 

So what happens is a driver is stabbed. I know this driver, he is an awesome driver and I’m so glad the worse did not happen. He is right back driving the bus as we speak. We got lucky this time. 

So it all happens because some nut job wanted to use the wonderful Temporary portable bathroom. 

How does Trimet respond? 

They slid the Portable 14’ West. 

Yup Problem solved!

Would that this action could have been taken earlier, I’m sure the crazy nut job with a knife would have taken one look at the tactical situation and said. ”14’ to the West! what! I’m not that crazy I’m out of here!” 

With this safety concern well solved with a little bow now Trimet can get back to spending more money on something vital like an ugly giant Moose. That Moose will really make things better. Remember Drivers are replaceable but a moose, well that legacy is forever. 

Brave bold actions like this delivers to us drivers everything they need to know about their management. Their stedfast dedication to our safety is breathtaking. When they say actions speak louder than words... Just so. 

Roll Easy and remember when you are in danger or being attacked, move 14' to the side. 

What's the Secret of Safe Bus Driving? Ghosts!

It was clear that this driver sought me out. A new driver, just in training, who was poking around Powell Garage on their break. I saw them talking to another driver who pointed out the table I was sitting at. The Newby made a B-line right to the table.

“Hey, are you Dan Christensen?” they asked.

“Yes I am,” I said with a smile. “You’re new, right?”

“Yes,” they admitted, taking a seat next to me.

“Let me ask you something. On your first day here, did you think it was going to be like Shawshank Redemption with drivers lining a fence chanting ‘New Fish’ while you filed in?”  I can see the nervous laughter in the eyes of the Newby. If they didn’t feel that, they felt something close. 

This new driver is young, all new uniform and has a pervasive aura of ‘ready to please’ about them. There is nothing wrong with that in my book, although some look down on it. 

“I read your blog,” said the Newby in a quiet, conspiratorial tone. 

“It’s ok,” I say in a whisper, “Everyone here knows I write my blog. I’m not hiding. That’s why my name is on it.” 

The Newby seems to relax a bit but still glances around—as if we are divulging nuclear secrets in the 1950’s. 

“I just wanted to ask you, do you have any advice for a new bus driver?” 

I smile and nod. I have been asked this before. Hell, I asked that question before when I was new. I think we have all been in that spot: wanting the inside track on a job, finding out what training isn’t telling you. 

“I can only tell you one thing,” I announce after a moment of contemplative silence. I learned that from my Dad. He always had that moment or two of thinking things out before dispatching his sage advice. 

The Newby sat there, ready for the pearl of wisdom, ready to learn what training wasn’t teaching them. ready for the short cut, the inside track the skinny…. I gave them the following.

“It’s all about ghosts.” 

The Newby should have been drinking their 7-up at that moment or I should have waited until they were because they would have done a classic spit-take, so surprised was their reaction.

“Do you believe in ghosts?” I asked earnestly.

“I uh...” The Newby is stunned and does not know what to say. Do you admit to some crazy belief or do you throw it back in my face that you don’t believe in ghost or is this my way of chanting  ‘New Fish’ by pulling a fast one?

“Listen,” I say leaning close. “Ghosts tell you everything you need to know about driving a bus safely, but ghosts are silent.” The Newby looks very confused. “Most people don’t have the wisdom to hear them because the ghosts don’t talk. But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from them.”

The Newby is in shock and is looking around nervously for help or some way to get away from this crazy man. I can see the look in their face, the same look that people use when they get on my bus and realize that I’m not a clown show when I drive. “You’re nothing like your blog,” they will say and they will have that look. They don’t realize that writing starts with listening. This Newby had that same look and the look of “Get me the hell out of here.”

“There are many types of ghosts: ghosts of drivers who have lost their job; ghosts of people injured and killed, of careers ended. They are all ghosts and they stand in a line behind every action you do.” 

The Newby smiles but keeps listening.

“Ok, what would you say if I was to tell you that I could prove to you that I could perfectly predict the stock market going up and down every week?” The Newby looks at me in shock, not only am I some sort of ghost hunter, I am now a stock market guru.

“All you need is ten thousand people, We will call them investors. For half of them I promise the market will go up and for half of them I promise market will go down. Guess what happens.”

“What?” asks the Newby nervously. 

“It does one of those: up or down, but that’s not important. What is important is this. 5000 People think I did it and 5000 people think I failed and that second group becomes fail ghosts. We will forget about them. Now of the first 5000

people I tell half that the market is going up and half that it’s going down. So by the second week I now have 2500 people who think I know a little bit about the market and I produced 7500 total fail ghosts—not big failures. After all, I was only wrong 50% of the time. But let’s forget about them. So then I keep doing this.” 

Week 

3       2500     1,250 people believe I’m right

4       1250      625 people believe I’m right

5       625         312 people believe I’m right

6       312         156 people believe I’m right

7       156         78 people believe I’m right

8        78           39 people believe I’m right

9        39           19 people believe I’m Right

and 

“On week ten, after two months, I have proven to 9 people that I’m 100% right at guessing the market. Now let’s say they were all millionaires who invest. How hard would it be to convince those 9 people that I’m the stock market man they should invest in? What if I started with one hundred thousand people and what if I only guessed correctly for every month? I would end up with more people and I could say “Look. I have been right all year long.”

“So I have 9 people who think I’m awesome but what they can’t see is I have produced 4991 ghosts.” 

“The numbers don’t lie. But if you only see the successes and you cannot count the ghosts, you will never know how valid an idea is. Fail ghosts are everywhere in this business.”

“So let me tell you how it breaks down.”

“These is no inside track, no skinny, no secret to driving a bus. The secret to driving the bus for years is ruthless application of the basic you are going to learn in class. Do them well. Do them over and over. Never stop doing them and you will be living a nearly ghost-free existence.” 

“You see, when someone gives you a piece of advice or you start to slip and say to you self. ‘I don’t have to follow so far away or in heavy traffic. I can stop close to the car in front of me or that driver told me I can cut a few seconds off my time if I go the speed limit here and not slow down.’ What you don’t see is the ghosts that stand silently behind that decision.” 

“When someone tells you to do something outside of your training that sounds right, well, they are (just like me) guessing the stock market. You don’t know how many ghosts have been made and are being made by that very same idea right now—silent ghosts that won’t warn you because they cannot be seen or heard. “

“Remember: with enough drivers trying different things almost anything will sound good. Advice may sound like it’s saving you, helping you, making it easier. The cold fact is, it’s not the exceptions that make you a great bus driver. It’s not a secret no one else knows. It’s ruthless application of basic safe principles of driving and learn them all in your driving class. Practice those simple driving rules and you have the best shot at avoiding the ghosts.”

So repeat after me “There are no secrets.” 

The Newby mumbles under their breath “There are no secrets.”

“It’s ruthless application of basics.”

The Newby glances around then says “It’s ruthless application of basics.”

“There are no safe drivers, just safe driving,” I say quoting my Trainer Pete Taylor. 

The Newby thinks about this one. 

“That’s all I got for ya,” I announce, standing up and grabbing my pouch. “The rest is ghost-producing bullshit.” 

“Uh...” The Newby stands up and calls after me “Thank you?” It sounds like a question. 

A year goes by and I see this driver just the other week. They walk up to me, smile and whisper “No ghosts.” The other drivers I’m sitting with look puzzled. I smile and watch this Newby-no-more head for the sign-in board. 

I would like to tell you that I have some sort of secret bus driving mojo, that I know something you don’t. The fact is every day I try to drive as I was trained. When I make a mistake I always say “What did I do wrong?” and then I fix that. There are no promises in the land of driving. There is too much randomness, but the best insulation is avoid those ghosts, those silent ghosts who speak volumes. 

Who you gonna call? Roll Easy. 

"Walking To Save My Live" A Healthy Living Report

The pants don't lie. 

Count down: 1 Month to go until Weigh in

Signs Of Success: 2 new belt notches. 

Funny Thing: Anyone who knows me will figure out that I hate long pants. I love my work pants cut just above my knee. Even in the dead of winter I’m out there showing some leg. The other day I’m walking and I feel something tickling me just above my knee. I bend over and feel around and it’s my undies. Yup I have lost so much weight that they just fall off. So after some juggling and wiggling out there on 82’nd. People probably thought I was some sexual prevert, I got them up high enough that my belt held them on. Satisfying? yes, Embarrassing OH HELL YEAH!

Report: That’s right after months of slow loss the rate has picked up in the last month. No I’m not starving myself or only eating one kind of food. What I’m doing is simple, I’m slowly, step by step changing my life style. the biggest change has been in walking. 

Over a couple of weeks I moved from driving to work to walking to work. This was not easy, Walking home after walking to work and then driving 12 to 14 hours is no easy task.  I managed it, but barely so. At the cost of doing anything else in my life like writing or hanging out with friends.  Long day plus two long walks equals no free time. It's all just Walk and Work..

This week it has gotten easier and I like that. Walking to my work has made my life better I can feel it every day. Doing the little things right and the big things will follow is how I plan to climb the weight loss mountain and this is one of those little things that is making me smile every day. 

However I’m concerened about the fact that I may be moving. I’m in such a grove now I don’t want to change it. As dedicated as I am to living a more healthy life style I fear change and the chaos that will bring. I know I'm a creature of habbit so... let's keep our fingers crossed. 

Until next time Walk Easy